I know a thing or two about debating because I, well... I get in a lot of arguments. But over the years I've noticed an odd pattern: Even though I'm always right, I seldom win.

I used to think this meant I should bone up on logic, which Encarta defines as the science of valid reasoning--that's got to be relevant, right? So I chewed my way through Aristotle, who (literally) wrote the book on logic. I studied the syllogism, the basic building block of logic. The next time I found myself in a debate, I was ready. The issue was: Should my eight-year-old daughter stay up past her bedtime? Alas! I lost again!

The Secret Ingredient to Winning Arguments
There's no relationship, it turns out, between winning an argument and being right or even logical. I was studying the wrong philosophies. I should have been listening to the Sophists, a swarm of wandering philosophers in ancient Greece who taught people (for a fee) how to argue.

The Sophists boasted that they knew how to defeat a stronger cause with a weaker one. Translation: the Sophists could win arguments even when they were wrong. Logic was part of their kit, but rhetoric was the big gun. In the classical curriculum rhetoric was the art of influencing people's judgments and feelings through words, written or spoken. (Today some people use rhetoric to mean "empty, pretentious talk.")

The Sophists went the way of the dinosaurs, but their students evolved into lawyers and politicians. That means that every four years we have a chance to watch some of today's presumed masters of rhetoric do their stuff.

The Presidential Debates
Conventional wisdom says no one wins presidential debates. Both sides  come out crowing about their own candidate's performance. In retrospect, though, it's clear that someone does win (or lose) presidential debates, and usually for a very pinpoint-able reason.

Here, then, in no particular order, are seven do's and don'ts of debating that I have gleaned from some modern presidential debates.

If you want to win your next presidential debate:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff
October 28, 1980; Jimmy Carter v. Ronald Reagan:

Carter was badgering Reagan with facts. He had dug up hard data from the record to "prove" that Reagan would cut Medicare if elected.

Reagan glanced at a cue card, shook his head, chuckled, and said, "There you go again."

Incredibly, this line demolished Carter. Where's your fancy-pants logic now, Mr. Aristotle?

Curious footnote: Reagan's cue card bore just one word: "Chuckle."

2. Don't sweat. Period.
September 26, 1960; Richard Nixon v. John F. Kennedy:

This was the first televised presidential debate. Kennedy looked relaxed, tan, and fit in a dark suit that contrasted nicely with the gray studio walls. Plus he had the foresight to have been born handsome. Nixon was recovering from the flu--bad move!--and his gray suit vanished against the backdrop, highlighting his blue chin and haggard eyes. As the studio lights blazed down, beads of sweat began drooling down his face. Who could listen to the guy?

Curious footnote: some people who heard  the debate on radio thought Nixon had won.

3. Don't say something really dumb and obviously wrong
October 6, 1976; Gerald Ford v. Jimmy Carter:

This was the first presidential debate in 16 years. Responding to a question on foreign policy, Ford made a flabbergasting statement: "There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe."

Jaws dropped and eyeballs popped. One stunned journalist tried to follow up. No domination? Really? Ford dug in:

"I don't believe the Yugoslavians consider themselves dominated by the Soviet Union. I don't believe that the Rumanians consider themselves dominated by the Soviet Union. I don't believe that the Poles consider themselves dominated by the Soviet Union."

This was roughly equivalent to arguing that Napoleon traveled around Europe handing out presents and candy.

4. Don't run the same play twice
October 7, 1984; Ronald Reagan v. Walter Mondale:

Walter "Fritz" Mondale was badgering Reagan with facts.

Reagan glanced at a cue card, shook his head, chuckled, and said, "There you go again."

Oops. Mondale was ready for this one. He turned to Reagan.

"Do you remember the last time you said that?"

Reagan, looking suddenly frightened and old, nodded. Mondale bore in.

"It was when President Carter said you would cut Medicare if you got elected. And what did you do as soon as you got elected? You tried to cut... Medicare."

For the next two weeks the Gipper battled rumors that he was senile.

Footnote: Reagan won the election in a landslide.

5. Sincerity is the key
October 15, 1992; George Bush v. Bill Clinton v. H. Ross Perot:

A woman in the audience asked: "How has the national debt personally affected... your lives?"

Bush's answer: "Well, I think the national debt affects everybody."

"You personally," she pressed.

"Obviously it has a lot to do with interest rates," said Bush.

"You, on a personal basis--how has it affected you?" the woman asked.

"I'm sure it has," said Bush. "I love my grandchildren..."

When Clinton got his turn, he grabbed the mike, walked to the audience, and gazed soulfully into the woman's eyes.

"Do you know people who've lost their jobs and lost their homes?" he asked compassionately.

She nodded.

Clinton then shared his own suffering as "the governor of a small state" wrestling with the pain of ordinary people in these hard times.

"In my state," he said, "when people lose their jobs, there's a good chance I'll know them by their names."

Wow, who knew Arkansas was that small!

6. If you're a robot, hide it
October 13, 1988; George Bush v. Michael Dukakis:

Journalist Bernard Shaw opened the debate by asking Dukakis, "If [your wife] Kitty Dukakis were raped and murdered, would you favor an irrevocable death penalty for the killer?"

Dukakis blinked--then launched into a mechanical recitation of crime statistics and positions he'd taken on this, that, and the other legislative bill.

Oh, Mike! Slow down and think about it! Your wife, Mike! If your wife--too late. Dukakis was stamped Ice Man. Footnote: On election day, he was still frozen.

7. Dignity is overrated
Lincoln-Douglas Debates:

Critics of the modern presidential debates often contrast them unfavorably to the legendary Lincoln-Douglas debates of 1858, seven "joint discussions" between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas, who were competing for an Illinois senate seat. Those debates featured brilliant language and deep arguments on one of the profound issues of the day: slavery. The debates were held outdoors, rain or shine. Each one lasted 3 hours, yet crowds ranged upwards of 10,000.

But were those debates more dignified than today's? Hmm. Snacks were sold. Bands played. Transcripts show that people interrupted the speakers constantly with cheers, jeers, and such shouts as "Hit him again!" After the first debate in Ottawa, Illinois, the Chicago Times reported the outcome under this stack of headlines:

Douglas Among the People.
Joint Discussion at Ottawa!
Lincoln Breaks Down.
Enthusiasms of the People!
Lincoln's Heart Fails Him!
Lincoln's Legs Fail Him!
Lincoln's Tongue Fails Him!
Lincoln's Arms Fail Him!
Lincoln Fails All Over!
The People Refuse to Support Him
The People Laugh at Him!
Douglas the Champion of the People

Ah, if only we could be that dignified again!